Same Old Cliché: Armenian Weddings
The amount of weddings I have been dragged to throughout the years is more than I would like to admit. It’s no secret that Armenians generally have enough family members to equal the population of a small village, or perhaps even three. Even if you happen to be the friend of Sako’s second cousin’s neighbor, count on getting an invitation to his wedding.
After having so many weddings under my belt, I have come to think of them not as a joyous occasion marking the union of two people who love each other (or love each other’s money), but as the most boring, annoying and unnecessary diversion of time I can possibly imagine. In fact, I would not even blink an eye if I never received another wedding invitation ever again. Unfortunately, as we often find out, what we want and what we get are two wholly separate issues, and what I got in the mail a few weeks ago turned out to be another wedding invitation.
Oh God, I thought.
Why must I be subjected to this suffering yet again.
I was about to keep on whining and moaning about the ordeal until I realized that it was unlike any wedding invitation that I have received before - it was a Persian/Mexican wedding.
WOW.
Immediately my mind jumped around in a haze to the number of possibilities this presented.
Will there be a mariachi band?
Will I be able to actually experience a ceremony in a mosque!
Maybe the mariachi band can learn an Andy song - in SPANISH!
Will I get to hear vows in Farsi?
There better be some horchata.
Before I could go on, I had to stop myself and figure out why I had gotten so excited about an event I abhor. After some time, I finally figured it out:
The possibility of a Persian infused Mexican wedding or vice versa tantalized me because I was so used to seeing so much of the same old same old at Armenian weddings, that the thought of experiencing all the freshness and vibrancy a multi-cultural wedding had to offer sent me in a tail spin.
In case you’ve forgotten about the staleness, over cliched and ludicrous atmosphere of an Armenian wedding, here’s a refresher:
Hoards of family members line the streets, bearing gifts on their head and dancing to the tune of hired traditional Armenian musicians, much to the shock of neighbors who probably think their street is being taken over by a large group of gypsies. The end of the world is near.
Then the dancing begins. Oh the dancing. Women, who apparently take showers in a combination of hair spray and perfume begin flailing their arms, which is a bit difficult with the type of corsets they’ve squeezed themselves into. Soon enough, the bride, who has decided to take the entire collection of makeup that MAC has to offer and somehow find room for it on her face, comes out. Her hair has been singed into tight shiny curls that cascade on her head like a flammable waterfall. She dances, making her way to the middle, while old men in suits throw dollar bills around her as if she’s the main attraction at a stripper bar.
Getting to the church is the next step and while this is no different than any other “Christian” couple getting married, the way in which we tend to arrive is a whole other story. Stretch limos that go on for miles, with built in disco balls and champagne or even worse, gargantuan Stretch HUMMERS, so you know, everyone knows that you’re coming. Then comes the ultra long church service in gibberish you can barely understand, following by the one of 10 Armenian banquet halls to choose from where a cheesy Armenian singer who charges obscene amounts of money is there to serenade you with the classic songbook of a one Ricky Martin. I could keep going, but I’m sure you get the picture. If you have your suspicions about any of this being true, all you you have to do is visit a site like Harsanik, the premiere Armenian weddings and wedding directory destination.
The fact I’m trying to hammer home is that Armenians have tunnel vision when it comes to weddings. It’s as if everything, from the dress, to the food, to the preparations and wedding party has to fit inside a predetermined set of conditions - God forbid we stray away from the norm and do something different, like have a smaller wedding with close family and friends who actually care about the individuals tying the knot. or divert the menu from an endless supply of mezzes and kebab to something else. You don’t have to have your wedding in a banquet hall or hire “Ara the DJ” or wear the whitest, puffiest dress you can find. You don’t have to have a wedding party of 15 or hire cheesy photographers who will make you look like every other Armenian couple you’ve ever seen. Really, you don’t. It’s OK to be different, I promise.
And you know, if you prefer the way things are, then that’s fine too. It’s your wedding after all. As for me, I’ll be thoroughly enjoying that Persian/Mexican wedding when the time comes. Adios.
Nov 25th, 2009 at 10:29 am
I had many of the same thoughts during the planning of my wedding, but eventually your family convinces you that it would be “amot” not to invite this person or that family because, after all, we were invited to their kids’ weddings.
I think a point that was hinted in this article is that we, as a group, claim to have clung to our old traditions, but it’s pretty damn clear that we’ve ended up embracing one of the worst features of Western society: that of flashiness. It’s difficult to imagine what Armenian weddings were like a hundred years ago. Surely they were big celebrations (tradition kept), with tons of friends and family (tradition kept), but were they so in-your-face and flashy as they are now?
My wife and I tried to walk that fine line so we wouldn’t be that cliche couple, but there are some elements that you can’t really control.
All in all, I think you make some great points about breaking the mold and stepping outside the box. It’s just a matter of sitting down and questioning why we do things the way we do, and if we would be better off doing certain things differently.
Nov 25th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I never want to attend an Armenian wedding. Not even my own.
Nov 25th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I agree with you. I wanted a tiny (tiny for Armenians, anyway) wedding of 150 people. Apparently I wasn’t thinking about allll those people who I’ve never met or heard of who invited my parents and his parents to their kids weddings? Can’t forget those people and the 100 others they knew 20 years ago and never saw again.
I also wanted a beach-side location (which is impossible because Armenians cannot drive more than 15-20 minutes from one location to the other and back home).
I wanted and wanted and wanted. But, much like traditional Armenian weddings, the groom’s family was paying for the majority of the wedding costs. So, I ended up with 450 invites, a frequently used hall, and the *worst* DJ ever (because it was a family friend of theirs). My only consolation was that I refused to go with the puffy white dress, hair tight in a bun with a tiara and the horrible makeup.
In the end, I realized that it was not in fact my wedding, it was my mother-in-law’s wedding… to an extent.
If I could do it over again, I’d change it all. But, what’s done is done. The people drank, ate and enjoyed themselves. And I didn’t have to hear anyone complain about it after - like they did at the engagement I never wanted :p
I understand the cliche and the horror and avoid any wedding I can.. but in the end I just consider it a night of food, alcohol and possibly some good friends.
Nov 26th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Well, this is a painful topic for our society. It’s not only the ceremony or the wedding day but all the days of preparation for “the event”. The amount of absurdity always drives me mud. People who are trying to help out actually making things even worse. Everybody tries to give “an advice” no-matter you need it or not. I happen to be amongst the organisers of the wedding day for my cousin. Oh boy … they ask you to help organise the event, then you try to organise … but then you are told what to do by some “close relatives” whom you never met in your life.
OK you get the idea here. When the time came for our wedding I did something extraordinary - we did everything really far from any possible armenian community. The only other armenian person present at the event was my close friend who also happened to be in the same place. How much did we spend? Well all in all 34 british pounds.
Yesterday we celebrated our 9th anniversary, we looked back at the events and we still think that they were the best. We are happy together and our love and friendship is even stronger. I’m sure you get the idea … all that flashy things are not a necessity when you end-up divorcing within the first couple of years if you have enough decency. Or even worse when you live in constant misunderstandings and accusations.
Sorry for this rant.
Nov 29th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
I haven’t been to TOO many Armo weddings yet, but I’ve been to enough (including this past weekend) to conclude that the church & banquet hall (or hotel) wedding is SO passé.
I am lucky however, that two of the Armenian couples’ whose weddings I attended this year were highly UNCONVENTIONAL - and AWESOME!
One was a wonderful, sunny and free-flowing affair in a backyard garden. Lots of flowery garden dresses, twinkly string lights, and dancing under the stars. No fuss, no muss. There was a traditional Armenian drum & duduk ensemble, but the evening also featured sombraros and tacos…in fact, the wedding was themed a “KEFIESTA!”
The other was unbelievably beautiful and creative - in a vintage 1940’s theme, at LA’s Union Station. The photos are incredible: http://theunbride.com/2009/03/real-unwedding-belinda-scott/
The bride had some trouble convincing parents and family that it wasn’t AMOT, to be sure. But on the day of, EVERYONE was sold and most guests (including the ladies and the grandmas and the great aunts and cousins) were dressed in theme!
Two Armenian couples, two unconventional weddings. It just takes some open mindedness and vision to break the mold! IT CAN BE DONE!
Nov 29th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
This is such a great conversation that I was not anticipating - all of you have made great points. I guess the point I was trying to make, in addition to the fact that the cookie cutter Armenian wedding is just another symbol for the Armenian one-track mind is that the frills and the thrills do not contribute to the love two people can have for each other. As Tigran pointed out, even £34 can last happily ever after. And Anoush, the photos in the link you sent me were beautiful - a nicely done, unique affair. Thank you all for your insights. I hope to hear more!
Nov 30th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
As a “southern bell” married to an Armenian whom I met in Yerevan and married at Tatev Monastary in Shinuhayr, RA, I so enjoyed reading your very funny article! I cannot argue with the fact that Armenian weddings, whether in LA or Yerevan can be quite the spectacle to behold. But, I am so thankful for the priviledge of having had an Armenian wedding. Honestly, what culture could my Alabama family have contributed, potato salad and pigs-in-a blanket at the (yawn) reception? Yes, Armenian weddings are often cheesy, over the top and “cookie cutter”, but a rich tapestry of centuries old tradition is woven into each one and, at least in my opinion, they are a genuine celebration of life and love.
Mar 9th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Hi Everyone,
You are all very accurate about the Armenian wedding day and all of it’s hype and most times over the top and financially not sensible reception etc. Although I would never take away the traditional church ceremony and reception from anyone…I am happy to say that there is another beautiful and stress free option if you and your future spouse choose to do so. I am not here to market my services but to offer all of those (younger generation) couples with another option for their ceremony. I am an non-denominational ordained minister and wedding officiant is Southern CA. I have enjoyed performing many non-traditional wedding ceremonies for Armenian and non Armenian couples. Visit my website at http://www.IDoWithYou.com to learn a bit more about my services. If your wish is to have a beautiful and warm ceremony outside of the traditional church, say on the beach with the water at your feet or a beautiful garden venue over looking a resort or other property or just plain old in your back yard with your close family and friends that truly care and are there for you, call me at 818-634-9289 and let’s put together a amazing ceremony together for you… the plus side is I speak Armenian also and we can include a few words in Armenian to keep everyone happy and make sure that you still have their blessings:) I wish you all the best no matter what path you choose to have your ceremony. Just remember… it’s about you two and no one else! Rev. Ogannes.
Apr 6th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
I’m struggling with this VERY same issue right now. My fiance and I are trying to plan our wedding. I want a church ceremony but cant fathom having the reception at any of the nasty vegas/italian style banquet halls in LA *cough* Glendale *cough*. I’m freaking out…all the American places are either too expensive or too far. And we can’t do an outdoor event as ours will be a winter wedding.
ANY ideas?
Great article by the way and I couldn’t agree more!
Jul 25th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
While I agree that Armenian weddings are generally overdone and, as someone else here put it, “passe”, what I find even more tiresome and overdone are the rants/frustrations/complaints/moans/wales/etc. over the whole issue, the worst offendors generally being unmarried Armenian females in their late 20s or 30s, who would do the same if they had the chance.
Why must you be “…[subjected to such suffering]..”??? Come on!!! I live in Texas and you sound like Glenn Beck…..You show up, you eat, you drink, you dance, party and you leave? Suffering?? What has suffered exactly? Your ego? Your psyche? If there isn’t something Freudian here, I’d be shocked.
While an Armenian wedding ends up being hugely excessive, you have to understand that it’s a celebration and it is, to a large degree, a part of our culture. Most of us are first or second generation immigrants and this is part of the culture clash/transition we face. While I am fully Americanized and would much prefer to get married at City Hall, my parents aren’t, and if they want a huge wedding and that makes them happy, well so be it. Guess what, I wouldn’t be here without them, and I don’t mind this being partly their day. For immigrant Armenians, the marriage of their children is the culmination of their life’s work, whether we like it or not, and if they want to stand on their heads, hang from chandeliers, and celebrate like there is no tomorrow, more power to them. For people celebrating beyond their means, to each his own.
If it causes you that much…uh..suffering, and I don’t have any explanation beyond psychologic reasons why a massive party with a ton of alcohol, food and bad music cause so much suffering (ugh…the hyperbole makes me cringe), there’s a solution. DON’T GO. But PLEASE PLEASE stop complaining, its not that big a deal, and most people in this world would give anything to have such tradition, excessive or otherwise…please stop this self hate (cultural and individual) and know that I do believe, from the bottom of my heart, that 40 is the new 30 and there is always hope for you.
Jul 25th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
oh and to add to my own rant…power to the people, down with Hitler, go Ararat, hippies unite, and don’t mess with Texas
Jul 25th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Hi Avo,
thanks for your comment. It’s funny that you mention people complaining about it, because no one I know in my immediate and non-immediate circle has ever done so, and believe me, I have probably been to more Armenian weddings than you have. And I would prefer you not make any assumptions about my marital status.
It has nothing to do with being Americanized at all, it has a lot to do with having some taste. If you enjoy the gaudiness and all that comes with it, by all means, please have at it.
And you know what? If you would prefer to get married at City Hall, then why not do it? Why is this culture always about making your parents happy instead of doing what makes you happy? Whether it’s your career, your relationships, the food you eat, or how you get married - Armenians really need to start thinking for themselves.
The more I think about it, the more I realize you missed the point of my piece completely. I am not against weddings in the least bit. In fact I love them. I even mention that I’m going to one IN the article. But I must highlight this part of my article that you probably glazed over:
“The fact I’m trying to hammer home is that Armenians have tunnel vision when it comes to weddings. It’s as if everything, from the dress, to the food, to the preparations and wedding party has to fit inside a predetermined set of conditions - God forbid we stray away from the norm and do something different, like have a smaller wedding with close family and friends who actually care about the individuals tying the knot.”
You don’t have to be like everyone else, it’s really simple. Be yourself.
And I take major offense to being compared to Glenn Beck, who isn’t even worthy enough to be the scum on the bottom of my shoe, but I guess that’s what I get for having an opinion that differs from the majority of Armenians out there.
Jul 26th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
no I actually got the entire point really well
and I wasn’t referring to you (the author) specifically in any of the above, it was more the collective “you”
to add a further point…. to some degree, what people think of as being excessive is what actually (maybe unfortunately, +/-) defines an Armenian wedding. If you want to be yourself and do what you want thats great, but thats not a traditional Armenian wedding, so people who do that dont want an Armenian wedding. Armenians who want Armenian weddings dont have tunnel vision, they want Armenian weddings because theyre Armenian. Theyre tyring to hang on to tradition, a terrible thing. Its like telling an Indian couple, dude Indians have tunnel vision, you all wear these funky outfits, say these funky things, haven’t you heard of a tux and a wedding dress, cant you have your weddings on the beach with no guests instead of inviting (by tradition) the whole village, open your mind, broaden your horizons, come on you Indian. Again, immigrant cultural transition. The point is, its all just custom and ritual, just like a wedding ring, changing your name, and the whole idea of marriage in the first place, oh and also that gibberish they speak at church (i.e. old Armenian)…kinda like the Vatican liturgy delivered in Latin (useless gibberish in anyone’s book, especially mine because I dont speak/understand it)
If you (collectively speaking) really want to do some good, lets get rid of the whole ritual of weddings AND marriage altogether. Its a religious institution that truly serves NO PRACTICAL PURPOSE. Civil union anyone?? Men used to use the religious institution of marriage to control women, now its completely backfired, women use it as a tool to control us tools :). Heck, if it were up to me I’d get rid of the whole of organized religion, Id leave the hairspray and dancing, that one is ok, my “frightened” neighbors will probably bring me a bundt cake the next day.