Overheard on the Net: Potent Perfume, Gargamel and Food

by Thomas Frederick/Creative Commons

With the advent of social media, the world is connected now more than ever before. Likewise, Armenians, who span the globe with a Diaspora located in diverse places such as Cyprus, Sweden, Australia, London,  Lebanon and dozens of cities across the United States have the opportunity to connect, share and discuss in an unprecedented way with the likes of Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.  In addition to sharing amongst each other, a unique opportunity is presented to see what others are saying about Armenians.

Because of this amazing ability at our fingertips, ianyan presents “Overheard on the Net,” a bi-weekly collection of quips and comments found on the webosphere about Armenians.

This addition is not only meant to be funny and light-hearted, it’s meant to open your eyes. Contrary to popular Armenian belief, we are not invincible. We aren’t all-knowing and all-powerful beings set here on Earth to spread our culture and mannerisms and behavior with the false belief that everything we do and say is right. It’s time Armenians try to look at Armenians objectively. Perhaps the only way to accomplish this is through the insights of others. Perhaps this will start discussion about issues that can be humorous, but meaningful at the same time. Either way, it will be good for you. Trust me.

The authors of the remarks and observations will remain anonymous to maintain objectivity. All readers are encouraged to pass along any interesting tidbits they’ve read on the web our way: editorial@ianyanmag.com

  • This Armenian guy in front of me is DRENCHED in what can only be described as a POTENT mix of what smells like moth balls & Hugo Boss!

Oh dear. “Hugo Boss” can refer to two distinct colognes – Hugo, a “refreshing, spicy lavender, amber fragrance” or Boss, a scent with essences of “oak, cedar, mandarin, musk and amber.” Why would such particular scents be popular for Armenians, you ask. Well, the answer is simple. The description for Hugo goes on to say that “this masculine (ding ding ding!) scent possesses a blend of woods, fresh citrus and spicy leaves.” In the meantime, a user comment on a fragrance site explains the Boss appeal: “I’ve had this cologne for a number of years, and only recently has it started to grow on me. It helps to paint a picture of a mature, independent, and refined individual. It also has maybe the longest staying power in terms of strength I’ve ever come across. Easy 8-10 hours.” A scent that makes you feel independent AND refined individual all the while having long staying power so as to choke anyone who comes in feet distance of me? SIGN ME UP. 

  • I’m at an Armenian doctor. They are speaking funny languages. The guy looks like Gargamel.

I love how Armenian suddenly translates to not only more than one language, but from a character from the Smurfs. The nostalgia of my childhood just came flooding in, but we have more important matters to attend to, like the fact that someone in some doctor’s office (most likely in Glendale) credited an Armenian man to the likes of an evil sorcerer/wizard whose main goal in life is to destroy the Smurfs or capture them to create potion to turn things into gold. Aha! Gold!

  • Perfection on Glendale Blvd: middle-aged bottom-rung overweight bald Armenian gangster in an econovan rocking out gently to hair-metal.

You know, sometimes when things are so bad, they automatically revert to good, which means they become awesomely bad. This could be right up that alley, especially the “rocking out gently” part. I was under the assumption that middle-aged, bald Armenian gangsters weren’t into hair-metal, but more into badly composed Armenian pop and rap music, with a peppering of some urban hits of today. This observer has proved me wrong.

  • Best & Worst thing about working at home: when my Armenian neighbors cook amazing dishes that simmer all day. It’s absolute torture.

It’s true, Armenian food smells great. Dare I say it smells heavenly. If I weren’t Armenian, I’d be jealous. At least we have food on our side.



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