Overheard on the Net: Housewives, BMWs and Eyebrows

by Thomas Frederick/Creative Commons

It’s that time of week again, isn’t it? The world wide web’s role as a platform for all things Armenian is concerned with women this time around, mainly focusing on the ridiculous materialism of many Armenian girls, along with the nightmare that is the Armenian Dad. Eyebrows are thrown in there too, for good measure.

Me: Hottest Armenian girl in the park right now. She’s walking one of those feefee dogs. Steve: Get her number. And, also get a BMW.

This is just sad, isn’t it? Wake up and smell the soorj people, everyone this side of  the U.S seems to know about the unhealthy and unattractive obsession Armenians have with cars, particularly shiny, new, expensive, German cars. The very fact that this guy, Steve, thinks that to actually have a chance with this girl, he needs to attain a BMW, joking or not joking, should a send a signal. A big red signal.

Cruising through Beverly Hills in a taxi listening to Careless Whisper in Armenian. Ahh the ambiance!

Ah, yes. The soothing saxophone in the George Michael classic is a hit with Armenian men I’m sure, especially Armenian taxi cab drivers, and you all know about my affinity for them. We also tend to like “Hotel California” by The Eagles, anything ever put out by The Gypsy Kings and semi-modern takes on Italian classics such as “Guarda Che Luna.”

The gaggle of Armenian housewives next me just polished off their 5th bottle of wine. They’re all wasted, it’s hilarious.

If there’s one thing more dangerous than a slipper-yielding Armenian house wife, it’s a drunk slipper-yielding Armenian house wife. Though I’ve seen women gather like this for coffee, I’ve never witnessed a circle of drunk Armenian women. Something tells me I never want to.

Worst part of being an Armenian dude, eyebrow maintenance.

We just can’t catch a break can we? Even our eyebrows are all sorts of wrong. Though they are a source of displeasure, they probably did have a purpose once, protecting us from dust and sweat in the rugged mountainous regions we’re from. To be honest, thick eyebrows don’t bother me too much, although I fully support Armenian men caring enough to groom them. Embrace your inner Peter Gallagher I say, just please make sure to take care of the middle – it’s crucial.

Dear Armenian Dad: I am not looking at your daughter. Quit eyeballin me.

There’s no point in me writing much about this, so I’m going to post this gem of a clip from “My Big Fat Armenian Family,” completely filmed and produced by a bunch of pretty funny Armenian teens from Los Angeles.



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